Money Mindset Matters More Than Budgeting | ADHD-Friendly Identity Work | 117

Hey there, and welcome to the show. This is Jules, the Budget Nerd, and I am so glad that you're here. I want to say a special shout out to Alexis. It's so great to meet you. Thanks for listening to the show. And a special welcome as well to April and Stacy, who have downloaded the freebies on my website. So thank you so much for jumping in and being a part of this community. Today we are going to talk about money mindsets and why, especially if ADHD is something that's part of our life, why it's so important and how it could possibly matter more than budgeting.

So this is going to be a great episode. 1 of the things that I love talking about is money. Obviously sometimes it's our money mistakes that really get to be the big hang up for us. And I know for myself, that was a huge part of my journey, especially being taught how to manage my money. I even got a degree in economics and still end up in $107,000 in debt. Have you ever made the same money mistakes so many times that you just started believing that it's just who you are? So if you, if that's you, this episode is absolutely for you because I see you, I hear you and I have been in your shoes before because you know, our culture says, you know, the same and you know, doing something over and over again and, and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

But I think that this kind of stuff is not helping us. And so that kind of mentality is not, is not serving us well and especially when it comes to our money and managing it, if it, if ADHD is something that's challenge for us. And so today we're going to talk about some of those common things and ways to move past those. So some of the examples that I have come across and also been through myself is that overdraft that just keeps having over and over again. Maybe it's some of that emotional spending.

Hello, been there. Retail therapy is a thing. Maybe it's avoiding even looking at your budget or your bank account because you just, your brain wants to protect you from what is going to be there. And maybe it's just starting over and over every month because we're stuck in this all or nothing mindset. So what I want you to hear me say today is money mistakes are just data. It's information for us to make different decisions. So it allows us to recognize patterns and those patterns can reveal the beliefs that we have about money.

And one thing that I've experienced and I know a lot of people that I work with, experience is some shame around our money. And so shame is what keeps us stuck longer than the actual mistake itself. Today is a good one. We are not talking about spreadsheets today. Although if you want to talk about spreadsheets, I've got another episode, I'm sure about that. We're talking about identity and why changing our mindset, shifting our mindset and our perception of money can really drive the financial behavior that we have been craving.

And that is going to help us be successful in budgeting, in our personal finances. And also we're going to allow ourselves some opportunity to work with our ADHD brains instead of the extremes of the all or nothing thinking that we can get stuck in sometimes. So if you recognize yourself in some of these financial patterns, so those patterns are trying to tell us something. It's not necessarily that we're bad at math because, you know, things that maybe would overdraft our account. Sometimes it's things that we have these these avoidance behaviors or these emotional regulation struggles.

Maybe we've got some past identity. Maybe with the way we were brought up in our thoughts about money, maybe we are stuck in survival mode and my pattern that isn't allowing us to see things for what they are. So some of the ways those identity beliefs can show up are when we say things like I'm just bad with money or I'm never going to get ahead. Maybe you've said budgeting just doesn't work for me and I will just ruin everything financially or one of my favorites, not my favorite, but one that I hear like, you know what, I'm just going to be in debt forever.

And so you know, I'm here. This is this is where we're at. And so I want to, I want you to reframe some of those thoughts because this is where if you've ever heard that saying, you know what, what you think about, you bring about. And so for myself, this was really helpful to say, Hey, you know what that isn't? That is an old belief about myself. The new me is going to think about things a little bit differently. And so when we choose to think differently and when we choose that, then our behavior follows along with it.

So that helps us reduce some stress. OK, so some of those hidden identity beliefs lead to a pattern of behavior that's usually about protecting something. So it could be a stress relief, it could be dopamine search, it could be control, it could be safety, and it could be something like comfort. There's a lot of things that can come into that. And so the way that our brains think is we are often seeking out quick relief or quick stimulation. It doesn't mean that we are lazy or irresponsible. It means that our systems need to support our brain instead of fighting against it.

And this is what I found with some traditional, you know, budgeting and restrict restricted spending is that our brains naturally want to rebel against that. That's just how we are. And so how can we take that information and shift it so that it serves us better? All right, So that's information, right? But sometimes that information, if we aren't framing it correctly, can lead into these patterns of shame. And this is where we can get stuck. What I have found in my, in my personal experience and working with other clients is that shame can feel like it's creating something good, but it's not necessarily.

So what I mean by that is we are avoiding situations that we should probably address. We might be hiding from things that we don't want to face. We could indulge in the impulse spending to a level that is maybe out of control and also sabotaging those financial goals that we have for ourselves. Or we get into this financial freeze mode. Let's pull send this in. A moment of shame turns 1 mistake into a complete spiral. So that is like, you know what we've overspent so let's ignore the bank account.

Maybe it's avoiding opening your bills when they come in the mail or they pop up on your e-mail and you're like, I'm going to deal with that later, but later never comes, right? Or maybe it is restarting every every Monday or every month restarting our budget because we didn't do great on Friday or Saturday and then we just restart. So what if we change some of those things up? What if we shifted that because we don't want to shame ourselves into this long term financial consistency. And we also don't want to put ourselves into these mindsets where we ask ourselves constantly why am I like this and what you know, we can figure out what that is.

So one of the things that's helpful that I've done is what is the thing that triggered that initial event? So was there a specific need that I was trying to meet that wasn't getting met? And so I decided to go, you know, the retail therapy route or I'm avoiding this because I know that, you know what, there's not going to be enough money in the account for the bills this month. So I'm going to avoid it because if I don't look at it, it's not happening, right? And that experience for myself was not the case.

It just made the situation worse. And so I want you to hear me say you don't have to do this part alone. And this is what we talked about inside the membership because these identity shifts are going to be the things that help change your future, but also your kids future. And how you talk about money around your kids. It is also the precursor to in the financial success, instead of saying I'm trying to budget, we can shift and say I'm becoming someone who plans ahead. And maybe you've said before, I'm terrible with money.

So that mindset shift could be I'm learning how to manage my money differently. All right. So some, some strategies that can help, especially with ADHD brains is building systems around your energy and your habits and focusing on those tiny repeatable wins. So one of the things that we do is we remove points of friction or points of where we we reduce the mental load. So that is automating certain bills. It's simplifying the number of categories maybe or the number of bank accounts and that we have.

So we're not shifting money around and creating a complicated system for ourselves. Also creating a budget will help reduce that decision fatigue. So you know, already ahead of time. OK, you know what I've looked at this month and I know that my kid has a dance recital this month. So I know I'm going to have some extra expenses there and I'm going to have some extra expenses because the end of the year, the school year is coming up, that kind of stuff. And you can know what you're going to be able to say yes to before that time comes.

That is a super big gift to your future self. So some ways that you can continue to build your confidence in these, in these exercises for shifting your mindset is celebrating those small consistent wins. So maybe it is, you know what I looked at my bank account and I did at my 10 minute money reset this week, celebrate that. That's amazing. Track that evidence of growth. Now this is really fun. I just got a message in our in our group chat for the membership. One of the members has been with me since the very beginning as a whole binder of all of her stuff.

And she said it's really been really fun to look back and see how things have changed and grown for her. And so keeping track of that, keeping some visuals, some reminders of the things that you have done, because those are going to be things that you're going to lean on when times get tough. And maybe sometimes you feel like, you know what, I'm not making any progress. And then you look back and you go, Oh my gosh, I actually did. I paid off $1000 last month in debt or I, you know, paid off my credit card, I paid for my car, those kinds of wins.

Or it could be, you know what, I went to Target and I didn't get a coffee this time because that was one of my goals. All right, Those kinds of things. And then it's creating these little wins for yourself, these little promises that are tiny enough for you to maintain. So if it's something that you're like really struggling with, let's break it down into a smaller bite so you can eat one about one elephant, one bite at a time. And so let's let's break it down. What's a smaller win that you could capitalize on and that that will build?

Confidence is the thing that's going to build through evidence, not motivation. And when we build that confidence, that's when it starts to ripple effect into other areas, not only of our life, but in of our money. So when we build these tiny habits and these tiny wins for ourselves, that proves to our brain, one, we are capable of doing it. And two, it knows that all right, I'm going to follow through with this. I have set a goal for myself and I'm going to follow through with it. Those are big.

All right. How are so when we talk about healing some of these financial things, these financial setbacks for ourselves or maybe our old ways of doing things, one of the biggest things that not only is creating these manageable, these manageable goals for ourselves, but also having compassion for ourselves and compassion is not excuse making. It is grace for ourselves that we are learning something new. It's not going to be perfect every time. And I would also, I would also say it's probably not going to be perfect ever.

I know I'm not perfect when it comes to my money management. I have worked really hard to set up a system that has worked for our family. And that's what I love teaching because I went through all of the trial and errors, the things that I was like, this works, you know, cutting out all the coupons and all the things. And I was like, this is, this isn't something that's sustainable for our family. And so the system that I teach is what is sustainable for our for our family. And I love sharing it with you.

So remembering that compassion is important for yourself in this process because as we learn something new, we're going to make mistakes, but those is remember that is information that's data for us to make different decisions moving forward. And accountability still matters. And accountability is not a, it's not a, it's not a bad word. It's not about beating ourselves up because we made a mistake. It is the thing that's going to help us create that change for ourselves. And so like right now we're in the middle as I record this, we're in the middle, the savings challenge for the summer.

And part of it is just sending me an e-mail back saying, Hey, I did the thing for today or this was my win for today. And it is not a, I'm going to, you know, keep track kind of thing or it's not that you're going to have any less success. It is just knowing that someone could check in on you about something and having that accountability also is going to help with your success. So, So what if we stopped treating our mistakes like identity labels and we actually treated them like the things that they are?

It's information, information for us to do things a little bit differently next time, right? Just like we do with our kids. Do we say, oh, you are, you know, we're not going to tell our kids they're a mistake if they make a mistake or that they're, you know, bad at this. They're learning it. And just like you, this is something new that maybe you have tried before and it hasn't worked well for you because maybe the system wasn't set up for you or maybe there's something you've never learned. So having compassion for yourself and having grace for yourself is very, very important because this is a journey.

It's not an overnight thing where you are with your financial goals right now didn't happen overnight. And then getting to a place where you're more comfortable with those, you're more confident with those does take time. So, but remember, your worst money decision does not get to become your permanent identity. So there you go. I think that's some good stuff right there. Your worst money decision does not need to become your permanent identity. All right, there it is. All right. So while I am not a therapist or a counselor of any kind, I am a financial coach and one of the things I love to do is just have conversations with listeners about what is going on with your finances and help you fix the one thing that's getting you stuck right now.

I've started these Borrow My Brain sessions where you can book a 15 minute session with me and I will help you unpack the situation that you're going through and get you your next best step so that you can get unstuck. So the cool thing about this is that sometimes these might make for a great episode of the show here. So you could be featured on the show. You can be anonymous if you would like also, but I'm going to leave that link in the show notes so you can book your Borrow My Brain session.

All right, so before we sign off, I want to remind you that your money habits can change faster than the story you've told yourself about them. Healing your finances starts with changing the way that you see yourself and your money. And also you are not your overdraft fee, your debt balance, your credit score, or your financial past. So I am excited to have a conversation with you. If you want want to talk more about this or another thing that is getting you stuck in your money, jump on my website and book your book your borrow my brain session.

All right, we'll see you in the next episode. Thank you for. Tuning into the debt rebel show today ready to take your family budgeting to the next level stop that paycheck to paycheck grind and start living debt free head over to my website debtrebelpodcast.com that's. DEBTREDE. Elpodcast.com to grab resources, tools and tips to make it happen. And don't forget, subscribe, leave a review and if you know another family that will love hearing today's episode. It would. Be such a gift for both of us, your friend and me, if you share this episode.

And remember, your debt free life starts with one brave step and I'm cheering you on every step of the way. We'll talk soon. Debt Rebel.

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