Why You Avoid Your Bank Account | Overcoming Shame and Guilt in ADHD Money Management| 111

0:00 All right, so if checking your bank account feels stressful, your brain is trying to protect you. So today, some of the things that we do when we avoid our bank account, there is an absolute valid reason that our brains don't want us to go there. So we're going to talk about that in a second, but I wanted to welcome Nikki and Teresa. Thank you so much for listening to the show and downloading the free resources available on my website, debtrebelpodcast.com. Thanks for joining us. All right, if you so avoiding our bank accounts, right, So that notification will pop up on our phone and we just quickly swipe it away instead of opening it because we're like doom and dread could be on the other side, but we don't know until we open it, right?

0:43 So let me tell you why our brain specifically want to avoid this. And it's not because we're lazy. It's because our brains are trying to protect us. It is like our brain self protection mode. So it's because at least in my experience, it might be in the same experience for you. But let's let's talk through this because some of the things that I experienced when I was trying, when I kept avoiding looking at that information, whether it was the amount of debt we had or bank account balance, or maybe it was some of my expenses.

1:18 Those types of things brought up a lot of shame and guilt for me and for myself because I had all of this head knowledge. I had a degree, I had all of this head knowledge on what to do with my money, but I couldn't get my brain to do the thing and just quote UN quote, try harder, which I think is some of the most, really, it's the most discouraging when it comes to managing your money. And if you have ADHD, it is it is just like the thing that shut me down. And so one of the things is that that shame and guilt, it is tied to our relationship with money.

1:55 We can feel overwhelmed by not knowing what our numbers are or what they mean. And so that's what the show is about, is to help you move through some of that stuff. I'm not going to be able to take it all away. I absolutely wish that that was something that I could do for you. But I'm going to come alongside you and walk with you through this process because the things that I have learned have been really helpful. And if you're brand new to the show, a little bit about me. I got a degree in economics.

2:25 My husband and I got into $107,000 in consumer debt, paid it off, and then started teaching others how to do this as well. And then within the last year was diagnosed with ADHD and realized so many of the things that I struggled with were because of my ADHD and my undiagnosed ADHD. And I wanted to create something and share what I have learned with more people. Because those two and money management seem like oil and water sometimes. And it is not all about just knowing everything and being able to apply it, setting up a system that works for you.

2:59 So that's what I love teaching on this podcast, but I also love teaching that inside my membership. So one of the things about the overwhelm is just thinking about how how big some of those numbers could be and how we don't know what they look like. And that was something for me when we were going through our debt elimination process was what are our numbers even look like? Because they felt really, really big and I didn't know until I actually looked at them. So the next piece is just checking it is not the most helpful advice, right?

3:32 And so we can, we can say that we can tell other people that it's really easy for me to just say, hey, just check your numbers, right? And I know I've said that in the past and as I have learned personal finances that it is so personal. And so we are a different person every single time we hear something and we're in a different spot than we were the last time. So if something you've tried something in the past and it hasn't worked and it's been some time, maybe you're in a different spot and you can and you can try something.

4:03 And so just checking it, you could do that. That is an option, but one of the things that I have found is I just set aside some time once a week to look at my stuff. Right before I got on this episode, I looked over our family budget and made sure our spending was on track for this month. And you can see things as they come. And so for me, that was really helpful. And it's not a just check it kind of thing. It's I had my system set up so that that didn't take a lot of time. So if the executive function part of you was saying, hey, I don't, I don't want to do this because it can feel like an overwhelming task sometimes just breaking it down and just doing 1 little bit at a time is really helpful.

4:44 So you might also be listening to this and you have no idea, maybe you don't have access to your bank account on your phone, or maybe you don't want access to it on your phone. Maybe you need to jump on your computer and do it that way. What works for you is what is most important. So this is not a one-size-fits-all kind of recommendation or ideas. That's what that's what I say. You know, personal finance is so very personal and so figuring out what works best for you. But one thing that I have noticed for myself is I would avoid it because I didn't want to face it.

5:16 And that is that's our brains in that self protection mode. And so one thing that we do inside the membership is you don't have to face those things alone. So it is a judgement free space where you can actually look at your money. And we don't necessarily have to like share screenshots or anything like that, but it is a place where you can ask questions. You can say, hey, does this sound right? Does this look right? I'm struggling with this area. And we can talk through those things because one thing that I'm passionate about is creating something that I didn't have when I was going through my personal finance journey to become debt free, to get things organized and figure out a system that worked for my family and I. So I highly recommend too, if you want to this system that I, that I put into place and that has worked for our family has been really great because there was a whole month I didn't make a budget and we didn't go back into debt.

6:10 And the ironic part about that is this is what I was teaching at the time. So this has happened within the last couple of years since I started this podcast. I believe it's episode 38 and you can go back and you can listen to that. You know, the time I forgot to make a budget. I'm a money coach. This is what I teach and I forgot to make a budget. And so The thing is, is creating a system for yourself that is going to work for you and your family so that you don't have to continue to go to the credit cards to pay for day-to-day life.

6:40 So today's action is to pick a 10 minute money date with yourself sometime this week. I always like to put it with something else that I enjoy so that it's something I can look forward to. And then you know what, set a timer for 10 minutes. When that timer goes off, you're done if you want to continue on and after that timer goes all right, so after that 10 minute timer goes off, you're done. You can stick around and work on it somewhere if you want to, but otherwise, once that timer goes off, you're done.

7:07 And so, so if you're looking for some additional support, so set that 10 minute timer, when that timer goes off, you're done with your money date for that week. So I'd love to hear when you set your date and what you accomplished in that 10 minutes. So you can go to my website, debtrebelpodcast.com and there's a spot there that you can leave me a voice note. I would just love it if you would share some of that info with me that we could share with other listeners to this podcast and just encourage each other in that way that it just doesn't have to be a huge, a huge task.

7:43 We can eat an elephant one bite at a time. And this is how we do it is we just pick 10 minutes and we work on our money. Sometimes that is opening up that app or jumping on our computer and seeing what our balances are. Maybe it is like we talked about in the previous episode, setting up one bill on auto pay so that you don't have to worry about late fees in the future. So I hope that this was an encouraging episode for you. And again, if you have other questions, I love answering listener requested questions.

8:12 So you can go to debtrebelpodcast.com and submit your question there. Send me a voice note. I love to hear your voice and what is on your mind. So we'll see you in the next episode. Thanks for joining me.